Family matters: The new joint venture

<div class="section1"><div class="Normal">Okay, so you''ve junked your outdated i-pod, your kid goes to virtual school, your wife paints her toenails while the fridge orders the groceries.... Meet the Guptas, circa 2020. <br /><br />But some things haven''t changed: the parents and their three married sons live on different floors and still celebrate Diwali together.There are fireworks aplenty, but at the end of the day the entire khandaan sits down for a civilised meal at the table.<br /><br />In our new multi-tasking society we are finally realising the wisdom of our conventional ways. So while nuclear families in the West go sub-nuclear in quest of the I-me-myself ideal, the Great Indian Joint Family (GIJF) is busy reinventing itself back home. <br /><br />Why can''t we do without it? Because unlike our western counterparts, each one of us is already more than an individual: we''re a network of relationships, indeed a veritable joint family on our own. <br /><br />Working woman, wife, mom, bahu, beti, mausi and chachi too. It''s a natural progression, but there''s new twist to the old family scene.<br /><br />In the current set-up, parents either stay within the same building - on different floors - or nearby in the same block or colony. Everyone has their own space, but they are there for each other too.<br /><br />When Amrita and Shiv Menon got married, one more urban son moved out of the parents'' home. For two years life was a whirlwind for Amrita, an air hostess, and Shiv, an airline executive. <br /><br />Both kept odd hours, rarely sat down to a proper meal together -unless they were dining out - and had little time for family. And then little Karan happened.<br /><br />Karan was four months old when Amrita had to join back work. "My mom tried moving in with us for a while, but it didn''t work," says Shiv candidly. "And we couldn''t afford Amrita not working. There was the house, the maid, the gardener, a lifestyle to maintain...."<br /><br />The obvious solution: move into a house close to mom and dad and have two maids to run the household.<br /><br />Three years and another kid later, Shiv and his father pooled in to buy a duplex in an upcoming suburb. "We have a common kitchen, the kids have grandparents at home, my parents have company; and yet we have our space," says Shiv.<br /><br />And it''s to everyone''s advantage. "It is much more responsibility, but much less loneliness," says mother Krishna.<br /><br />Then there''s Abhijit and Mandira Chatterjee, the perfect urban couple - highly paid and highly stressed. Their lives revolve around three pivotal points: their home, workplace and Mandira''s parents'' house. Of course, in all this, the driver plays a crucial role.<br /><br />A day in the life of the Delhi-based Chatterjees starts with dropping their four-year-old son at school and getting dropped at their respective offices. School over, their son is dropped at the in-laws''. <br /><br />In the evening, the whole process is reversed: they are picked up from office, son is picked up from the in-laws'', and then it''s finally back home.<br /><br />Sounds complicated? Actually, it''s the simplest way out. "At my in-laws'', it''s always houseful - with mausis around and guests dropping in. The child gets to mix with people other than the maid, gets to listen to stories. All his friends are from their colony. Also, having grandparents oversee your kids while you are at work lessens the guilt factor," says Abhijeet. <br /><br />They have their own live-in maid, but they prefer this arrangement. "We feel more secure. In a single-unit house, leaving a small child alone with the maid is not very comforting. There''s always someone selling something at the door."<br /><br />The tribe of siblings and relatives - who have thus far lived nuclear family lives - buying up apartments and plots side by side for reasons other than saving telephone bills, is increasing. <br /><br />Dr K Srinivas Gowda and his brother Venugopal have built identical houses beside each other in Bangalore. There''s also Boniface Gnyanadas and his four brothers who have bought land in the same complex in one of Bangalore''s upcoming suburbs. <br /><br />"It''s a huge plus for growing children who get to understand caring and sharing, and imbibe common values. It is definitely an advantage but you need to overlook minor issues," says Gnyanadas.<br /><br />And sociologists say it makes complete sense: The quest for jobs in and around major cities and towns forced people to move out of family homes. To begin with, the nuclear family gave immense freedom from traditions and the old way of life. <br /><br />Its biggest plus was individual identity. But the new joint set-up doesn''t compromise with this: families enjoy their separate identities with their own living-dining rooms and kitchens too.<br /><br />In all this, children are the biggest beneficiaries. "It''s reassuring to know your children won''t be alone when you are held up at work or have to go out on tours. You know ''your family'' will look after them," says Uma Koti, who lives next-door to her sister Vidhya Ramesh.<br /><br />What''s the flip side? "Too much proximity can lead to problems, if the families cannot accept differences," cautions David Prabhu who has bought property alongside that of his siblings.<br /><br />No, they are not exactly the joint families of today''s soapy dramas, or the syrupy sweet portrayals of the big screen: flying kites, playing antakshari, all living under one big roof happily ever after. The reality of the new GIJF is a bit different. <br /><br />"Most people who meet us exclaim how lucky we are to have such a convenient arrangement," says Vidhya Ramesh. <br /><br />"But luck has nothing to do with it. It calls for a lot of understanding and tolerance and respect for each other''s privacy. But yes, we are very happy and feel secure that we are near each other." <br /><br />Circa 2025. The Guptas have just added a new floor for their married grandson. Did someone say the GIJF was dead? It will take more than a row to rip this happy family portrait: a security blanket in an insecure world. <br /><br />(<span style="" font-style:="" italic="">With inputs from Vandana Agarwal, Rachna Subramanian and Edison Thomas</span>)</div> </div>